Hi Sarah, I just read your post on choosing your new career, your new Substack name, and your new direction. Bravo! Can't wait to see where you're heading. (I've subscribed.)
I hope you'll hang around here a bit and join in. We're all on a journey and it's so much easier when we're among friends!
This is a perfect article, (Ramona, I can hear you laughing and thinking there is no such thing). I say this because it's timely and you have the experience both professionally and personally to be able to talk about personal sharing from a few different angles and, of course because we are all wondering! Where is that line, what do we want to do with this and how do we do it well?
Like you, I never write about my marriage and rarely about my family. I don't feel comfortable involving a loved one's intimate story in my writing because they may not be okay with it. Then there's the oversharing of our current culture to the point that we are immune to what Joe on the other side of the world had for breakfast. And yet...there is that human aspect, the archetypes that play out whether we are aware of them or not. We want to hear about those because it is inspiring, healing, or helps us be a better human.
There is no right answer, and everyone needs to do what fits them best, but I must say I like it when I get a little peek at what's going on on the inside.
Thank you! I have been guilty of “oversharing” with a lot of things. There are other things which I have learned in the last few years that I have not been able to even approach. Things I was sure I knew- which turned out to be false memories from a childhood so innocent I could not bring myself to accept .
What you have written is touching, but also tells me I do not HAVE to tell anyone- unless I choose to do so.
You don't need to feel guilty for anything you write, Pamela. All personal writing is personal. I can read about someone's sexuality, their naked truths, without feeling the need to write the same just because they did.
I needed to figure out for myself how far I'd go before I was sorry I went there. That's all I'm trying to stress. Knowing our own boundaries is not the opposite of being brave. It's being brave within our own boundaries.
Hi, I agree with your point that each person makes his or her own decision about what feels right to share. I also am a very private person, but have found that writing has been a way to express the pain in my heart and helped me "soldier on."
This piece gave me so much to contemplate. 🙂 I think we’ve confused what is meant for publishing and what is meant for creative extraction—a process that is necessarily messy, confessional, confusing, swirling, illogical and so forth. So do we tell writers to stop oversharing? I’m not so sure. Because I often get the sense that writers heed this advice and assume good writing is the kind that skips over the messy part ... and then they only let themselves ever write something neat and tidy. And then of course that writing is quite boring. So I guess all that to say is: it’s a delicate matter. ;)
I think what you have really sharpened in your writing toolbox is the fact that you write honestly and then you edit, hone and sharpen for publication. Reading between the lines of your piece, I think you alluded to that editing process—and you're able to be honest about some pieces not being ready for publishing, for myriad reasons. That intentionality really is a good gut check on whether this is writing that’s called to be published, or if it’s meant to serve some other offline or relational or private modality. It does take a bit of practice, though. If only we had some online place to share our writing and hone our craft. 😉
Between Ramona’s article and this comment Amanda, it seems we would have a reasonable guideline for writing personal essays. Perhaps it’s the same concept as it might be for whole hearted living, look inward, pay attention and edit!
This was such a wonderful post, Ramona. It’s something I’m wrestling with right now, too. Thank you for sharing and I’m looking forward to reading more of your words and wisdom. Blessed to hear from you today!
This is wonderful! And I think it will be very helpful. I've been in "getting ready" mode for a while, partially for the reasons you mentioned in this post which is why it resonated so much. What's my story? Why do I want to share it? How can I do that without feeling like I'm crossing an intimacy boundary? How the heck do I communicate my oddball sense of humor in writing?! You know, all the usual questions. :) I appreciate you, thanks again.
I'm no Alex Dobrenko or Michael Estrin, but they are a couple of my Substack heroes! :) I'm planning to enroll in a humor writing course next month through Second City and I started taking improv comedy classes to put some shape to my attempts to make people smile. Thank you for this confidence boost!
That's exciting! We need more female humorists, and it sounds like you're on the right track. What fun it would be to read about your progress on your own Substack page!
Katie, I had those same questions swirling in my head for months! (Well I still do... they’ve just quieted a bit since publishing my first post.)
Earlier this year, Ramona had given me a gentle nudge to begin somewhere, and I’m so thankful for that. I needed to see my Substack more as an experiment to help me get going.
That might not be what you need, but either way, I want you to know you’re welcome to show up as you are and to tweak/adjust/learn as you go.
It sounds like you’re putting good thought into this. :)
Erika, oh yes, I love this very much. Thank you for sharing. I just subscribed to your newsletter as well, I think you're both my people! Looking forward to sketching out a mindmap. :)
I remain in awe of your ability to read my mind. A beloved sister's sudden passing four years ago still weighs heavily and I've yet to express it on paper. So heavy is my heart but soon enough, like you, I shall. Your experience motivates. Thank you.
Appreciate your thoughts and process in this post! When I joined the grief club a few years ago, I read all the memoirs I could find, from CS Lewis to Joan Didion to Jayson Greene. That feeling of not being alone but not having to be with people was essential.
Writing about grief myself comes and goes - it was easier to be open in the initial shock, now I tend to allude to it sideways and look at it out of the corner of my eye. But that may well change again.
I've felt quite similarly about my own writing, and I've come to similar conclusions over the decades. Peeling back the curtain a little and letting folks walk alongside me, instead of speaking at them, has been huge. It's not easy, though! I struggle with it constantly.
I'm a private person as well, and an introvert, in spite of playing someone different online some of the time.
Your last line hit me right HERE, Andrew. It got me to thinking I may be madly in love with writing simply because I feel braver when I'm doing it and a different part of me peeks through.
Again...Yes! So true. A big part of it is in growing comfortable with our writing. We stop fearing it and it becomes a part of us. Second nature. Like talking.
Well-written article. Inspiring. I want to say more but am afraid of overstepping boundaries. I enjoy substack and am looking forward to learning as I go along on my writing journey
Hi Sarah, I just read your post on choosing your new career, your new Substack name, and your new direction. Bravo! Can't wait to see where you're heading. (I've subscribed.)
I hope you'll hang around here a bit and join in. We're all on a journey and it's so much easier when we're among friends!
You're welcome. ❤
I do think we live in an era of oversharing, but I think you're approaching it from your style and perspective has found a perfect balance.
Thank you, MIchael, that's kind of you. I agree on the oversharing. It makes me cringe at times. I'm a product of my time and it's long past!
(I loved how Brent handled his father's death. It made me cry, and that's okay.)
Agreed with all your comments but "...it's long past!" I'm a wee bit younger than you and I cringe. Daily, it feels like.
LOL, I meant that my time--more reserved and often dishonest about our feelings--is long past.
We're living now in those 'letting it all hang out' days. Takes some getting used to, even after decades of it.
This is a perfect article, (Ramona, I can hear you laughing and thinking there is no such thing). I say this because it's timely and you have the experience both professionally and personally to be able to talk about personal sharing from a few different angles and, of course because we are all wondering! Where is that line, what do we want to do with this and how do we do it well?
Like you, I never write about my marriage and rarely about my family. I don't feel comfortable involving a loved one's intimate story in my writing because they may not be okay with it. Then there's the oversharing of our current culture to the point that we are immune to what Joe on the other side of the world had for breakfast. And yet...there is that human aspect, the archetypes that play out whether we are aware of them or not. We want to hear about those because it is inspiring, healing, or helps us be a better human.
There is no right answer, and everyone needs to do what fits them best, but I must say I like it when I get a little peek at what's going on on the inside.
Thank you, Donna. I would say this is the perfect comment!
Thank you! I have been guilty of “oversharing” with a lot of things. There are other things which I have learned in the last few years that I have not been able to even approach. Things I was sure I knew- which turned out to be false memories from a childhood so innocent I could not bring myself to accept .
What you have written is touching, but also tells me I do not HAVE to tell anyone- unless I choose to do so.
Thank you for sharing 💖
You don't need to feel guilty for anything you write, Pamela. All personal writing is personal. I can read about someone's sexuality, their naked truths, without feeling the need to write the same just because they did.
I needed to figure out for myself how far I'd go before I was sorry I went there. That's all I'm trying to stress. Knowing our own boundaries is not the opposite of being brave. It's being brave within our own boundaries.
Thank you 🙏🏼✌🏻
💚💚💚
Hi, I agree with your point that each person makes his or her own decision about what feels right to share. I also am a very private person, but have found that writing has been a way to express the pain in my heart and helped me "soldier on."
Me too, Janice. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't had my writing to keep me going.
This piece gave me so much to contemplate. 🙂 I think we’ve confused what is meant for publishing and what is meant for creative extraction—a process that is necessarily messy, confessional, confusing, swirling, illogical and so forth. So do we tell writers to stop oversharing? I’m not so sure. Because I often get the sense that writers heed this advice and assume good writing is the kind that skips over the messy part ... and then they only let themselves ever write something neat and tidy. And then of course that writing is quite boring. So I guess all that to say is: it’s a delicate matter. ;)
I think what you have really sharpened in your writing toolbox is the fact that you write honestly and then you edit, hone and sharpen for publication. Reading between the lines of your piece, I think you alluded to that editing process—and you're able to be honest about some pieces not being ready for publishing, for myriad reasons. That intentionality really is a good gut check on whether this is writing that’s called to be published, or if it’s meant to serve some other offline or relational or private modality. It does take a bit of practice, though. If only we had some online place to share our writing and hone our craft. 😉
Thanks for weighing in, Amanda. I think writing honestly means I have to be honest about my own needs, as well. It's a constant reassessment.
Between Ramona’s article and this comment Amanda, it seems we would have a reasonable guideline for writing personal essays. Perhaps it’s the same concept as it might be for whole hearted living, look inward, pay attention and edit!
This piece was quite moving, and quite helpful. Nice work!
Thanks!
This was such a wonderful post, Ramona. It’s something I’m wrestling with right now, too. Thank you for sharing and I’m looking forward to reading more of your words and wisdom. Blessed to hear from you today!
Katie, I noticed you haven't started your Substack yet. If you're ready, I've written an easy tutorial, and I'm here to help in any way.
In fact, if you hang around here for a while, we may just answer many of your questions. Don't be afraid to ask anything!
https://writereverlasting.substack.com/s/substack-for-newbies
This is wonderful! And I think it will be very helpful. I've been in "getting ready" mode for a while, partially for the reasons you mentioned in this post which is why it resonated so much. What's my story? Why do I want to share it? How can I do that without feeling like I'm crossing an intimacy boundary? How the heck do I communicate my oddball sense of humor in writing?! You know, all the usual questions. :) I appreciate you, thanks again.
Oddball sense of humor...
Okay, I'm subscribing!
I'm no Alex Dobrenko or Michael Estrin, but they are a couple of my Substack heroes! :) I'm planning to enroll in a humor writing course next month through Second City and I started taking improv comedy classes to put some shape to my attempts to make people smile. Thank you for this confidence boost!
That's exciting! We need more female humorists, and it sounds like you're on the right track. What fun it would be to read about your progress on your own Substack page!
Katie, I had those same questions swirling in my head for months! (Well I still do... they’ve just quieted a bit since publishing my first post.)
Earlier this year, Ramona had given me a gentle nudge to begin somewhere, and I’m so thankful for that. I needed to see my Substack more as an experiment to help me get going.
That might not be what you need, but either way, I want you to know you’re welcome to show up as you are and to tweak/adjust/learn as you go.
It sounds like you’re putting good thought into this. :)
Great advice, Erika. Thank you for chiming in!
Erika, oh yes, I love this very much. Thank you for sharing. I just subscribed to your newsletter as well, I think you're both my people! Looking forward to sketching out a mindmap. :)
You’re so welcome. 😊 I hope you find the mind map helpful!
I remain in awe of your ability to read my mind. A beloved sister's sudden passing four years ago still weighs heavily and I've yet to express it on paper. So heavy is my heart but soon enough, like you, I shall. Your experience motivates. Thank you.
I'm so sorry, Melanie. You'll do it when you're ready, IF you're ready. Your heart can't be rushed. ❤
!!!
I've wondered my entire life when we humans are going to figure out Balance.
Slowly, very slowly, and little by little. Still trying to get the hang of it!
Appreciate your thoughts and process in this post! When I joined the grief club a few years ago, I read all the memoirs I could find, from CS Lewis to Joan Didion to Jayson Greene. That feeling of not being alone but not having to be with people was essential.
Writing about grief myself comes and goes - it was easier to be open in the initial shock, now I tend to allude to it sideways and look at it out of the corner of my eye. But that may well change again.
Yes, I think that's how I'm moving forward, too. I only panic now and then, and my grief doesn't feel quite as crazy. Progress!
This is a beautifully written, honest and brave piece, Ramona. Thanks so much for sharing it.
Thank you for reading it and joining in on the conversation!
I've felt quite similarly about my own writing, and I've come to similar conclusions over the decades. Peeling back the curtain a little and letting folks walk alongside me, instead of speaking at them, has been huge. It's not easy, though! I struggle with it constantly.
I'm a private person as well, and an introvert, in spite of playing someone different online some of the time.
Your last line hit me right HERE, Andrew. It got me to thinking I may be madly in love with writing simply because I feel braver when I'm doing it and a different part of me peeks through.
What's that all about??
I love the growth aspect of writing, and stretching just a little each time. Sometimes, this changes who you are in subtle ways over time, I think,
Again...Yes! So true. A big part of it is in growing comfortable with our writing. We stop fearing it and it becomes a part of us. Second nature. Like talking.
This truly moved me. Your candor is admirable.
Thank you so much!
Well-written article. Inspiring. I want to say more but am afraid of overstepping boundaries. I enjoy substack and am looking forward to learning as I go along on my writing journey