I fell in love with the first book I wrote, which I (wisely) no longer share with others. Two or three years out from the start, I began to realize that I had somehow reconstructed some trauma scenario from my youth, transposed it into an era prior to mine and a country in Europe where I have never lived. . . and that by doing this, I had processed a good deal of the trauma, WITHOUT actually remembering ANY of it. (I also gave this new story an ending of love, generativity, and resolution, three things I'm sure were not present in the original version from my life.)
For the first year, while writing this, I would lie in bed at night reciting certain passages in my head. Eventually I reached a point where the need to do this passed, and I could no longer recall those passages by heart. It's the strangest process I have ever been part of. I've never shared this before as I don't know anyone who would be even remotely interested.
Even now I am embarrassed at the memory of having shown this story to anyone (something I naively did because I thought it was so wonderful. . . .yikes!!) I'm comforted by the certainty that those people have forgotten it by now (whew!) Would love to know if anyone has been through anything similar in terms of resolution of unconscious material.
That's an amazing process and no doubt absolutely necessary to start your healing and your growth as a writer. I think maybe we all begin writing out of a need we may not even understand, and good for you for being able to look back and analyze it now.
I can relate to 'lying in bed reciting certain passages'. I still do that! It's as if I cherish them and don't want to forget them, but it could be it's more than that for me. It could be my mind's way of encouraging me to keep going. That all this work is worth it, and that single passage proves it.
You wrote: (I also gave this new story an ending of love, generativity, and resolution, three things I'm sure were not present in the original version from my life.)
I absolutely LOVE that. It's as close to a cleansing as you might ever get, and what a gift it was! Do you see it like that?
But you've reminded me of a piece I wrote about how bad some of our early stuff is and how essential it is now to recognize it. It means we've grown as writers. I'll try to find it and publish it here.
Thanks so much for weighing in, Judith. I hope we can keep this going!
I fell in love with the first book I wrote, which I (wisely) no longer share with others. Two or three years out from the start, I began to realize that I had somehow reconstructed some trauma scenario from my youth, transposed it into an era prior to mine and a country in Europe where I have never lived. . . and that by doing this, I had processed a good deal of the trauma, WITHOUT actually remembering ANY of it. (I also gave this new story an ending of love, generativity, and resolution, three things I'm sure were not present in the original version from my life.)
For the first year, while writing this, I would lie in bed at night reciting certain passages in my head. Eventually I reached a point where the need to do this passed, and I could no longer recall those passages by heart. It's the strangest process I have ever been part of. I've never shared this before as I don't know anyone who would be even remotely interested.
Even now I am embarrassed at the memory of having shown this story to anyone (something I naively did because I thought it was so wonderful. . . .yikes!!) I'm comforted by the certainty that those people have forgotten it by now (whew!) Would love to know if anyone has been through anything similar in terms of resolution of unconscious material.
That's an amazing process and no doubt absolutely necessary to start your healing and your growth as a writer. I think maybe we all begin writing out of a need we may not even understand, and good for you for being able to look back and analyze it now.
I can relate to 'lying in bed reciting certain passages'. I still do that! It's as if I cherish them and don't want to forget them, but it could be it's more than that for me. It could be my mind's way of encouraging me to keep going. That all this work is worth it, and that single passage proves it.
You wrote: (I also gave this new story an ending of love, generativity, and resolution, three things I'm sure were not present in the original version from my life.)
I absolutely LOVE that. It's as close to a cleansing as you might ever get, and what a gift it was! Do you see it like that?
But you've reminded me of a piece I wrote about how bad some of our early stuff is and how essential it is now to recognize it. It means we've grown as writers. I'll try to find it and publish it here.
Thanks so much for weighing in, Judith. I hope we can keep this going!
Well said. I can very well relate to this.
Wanna talk about it?