Ruminations that might look suspiciously like whining.
I think Cedric has all the answers. Whether he shares or not is for another day 💖
I think you have picked a singularly bad day to be tackling ANY one of the issues you cite here - right after dental surgery?? Good grief, woman - please be kinder to yourself at once! I do completely understand the urgency to "figure things out" - but truly, there will be time once you are able to enjoy solid food again. What I sometimes do, is make an old-school list of things that I need to consider, act on or decide about. Even creative stuff. Also? The value of a great haircut cannot be overstated! Just do it. xo P.S. Loved this piece, so honest! And those Boston Coolers sound amazing!
Holy crap, Ramona! You just described my last three years -- I mean 'literally' my last three years. I have no inspiring pearls of wisdom only to follow your instinct on the antidepressants -- I wish I had (grief hurts, it distracts and it's unpredictable. It's also the byproduct of having loved and been loved. I'm so sorry for your pain). On the bright side, Novocaine wears off and once you're all healed up, you'll feel brilliant.
You will write again. You will write beautifully. It's what you do. I'll be here to read it, like it, and share it when you do. Nameste
You are an amazing writer, a deep and capable thinker, a clear and emotionally present woman, balanced and hopeful human. Congrats on finally getting around to fixing your mouth. I have had lots of dental work and its no fun. Can't emphasize that enough. You described the emotional state of where you're at to a T. Beautifully done. I have a sneaking suspicion you could do just about anything you put your mind to... not today, probably not this week, but soon. Sending you healing vibes and patience. Sending you self-love because without, you can't fathom how fantastic you are, always have been, always will be.
Dental woes are awful. Hope you're feeling better soon, Ramona. Always enjoy your posts.
Grief weaves its way into everything. Depression, its trusty sidekick, is often close at hand. Right now - justifiably - it sounds like that's the loudest voice in your head. Add disappointment, physical pain, a recent move, limited face-to-face contact and whatever else life tosses into the ring, and you are adrift in a wave of uncertainty. You're using your creative energy just getting through the days. Lexapro may or may not be part of the journey, but it is a tool in the toolbox. Trusting the process sucks sometimes, but I think it's still the best advice. You will come out the other side of this darkness. In the meantime, is it so terrible to allow the current "you" to guide what appears on the page, even if it's just a series of questions, or a stream-of-consciousness accounting of what you are experiencing? I, for one, respect and appreciate the vulnerability and raw emotions.
Due to my own story, I don’t recommend the meds.
I had issues with an overflow of bleh ideas and I decided to not grab any, to just sit and watch. Watch the flow of ideas and not get wet until there is one really worth diving for it, because I hate to be wet and it must really be worth it for me to do so.
The problem with me writing this is I am no writer. I am juste wannabe writer, wannabe politics student, wannabe music gear builder. Excellent at nothing, easily bored. As you can see, not very cheerful either. My 100+ African violets used to heal me. Now I trashed many, and the 60+ left don’t really help me anymore.
Hey sister, hold on. Please.
Hi Ramona. As I write this, hopefully you are blissfully sleeping, feelings of novocaine just a memory, dental work done for the forseeable future.
You will keep writing, because that is what you do. You will write with humor, sarcasm, wit and wonder because that is what you do. I have enjoyed it. Your writing. Your personal journey. Your candor. You are an amazing woman.
Writer Everlasting is for writers. All writers. I hope I have read your intention correctly. If it's only for a particular political view, please tell me and I will leave. (I read all your bullet points and followed through to Twitter) No hard feelings. I simply thought this platform was for everyone.
They say that you need to say it until you don't. This is what you have to say right now - so give yourself permission (seems to me, someone named Ramona just gave me those words of wisdom). The catalyst for my writing was and is Dan's death and the dementia years before. Those events changed forever who I am and affected me in every aspect of my life.
Just curious - do you know of the mind-body connection? I wonder if the teeth, the cancer scare, etc. is your body's way of expressing the tremendous pain your heart is feeling. My coach friend mentioned that to me the other day regarding new aches and pains.
-I’m tired of always donating my work.
I used to write on Medium a lot more and I felt like writing anything meaningful didn’t earn anything and if I wanted to make money I had to hustle more than I had time for or compromise my artistic integrity or both. I write my free Substack which I love doing and I like connecting with authors but lbh I wouldn’t have started it if I didn’t need people to buy my books. And I just have worked for free for so long with no guarantee that people will eventually value my work as much as I do.
-anti-depressants tend to lay any attempt at creativity flat, along with most feelings about anything
For a very brief period a doctor prescribed antidepressants for me. One night I was working at a restaurant and not paying close attention and overfilled a coffee cup to the point that it was splashing all over my hand. I had no clue.
Also, just. Hugs. You’re going through a lot of changes and I hope you’re not too hard on yourself. You’re an inspiration and a motivation and you have important things to say.
I think you should forgive yourself for not writing whilst in the midst of dental warfare, but for the rest, does it matter if you don't sell? Or if the follower numbers decline, stay static or whatever?
I've been writing for Substack for 12 months in February and I 've increased my following from one or two to a few more than that (surprised me really!) and its free, but I don't care about numbers because it's the discipline of writing and actually turning up weekly to write that matters.
Worrying about numbers must surely just eviscerate you. If you must please a mainstream publisher, that's slightly different, but if you're indie, just write for the joy.
Mostly, Ramona, I write because it makes me content - nothing else matters. Angst has no place in the process - if it does, and I tie myself in knots about the money, the readers, the followers, etc, then the muse will up and off and writing will shrivel and die.
Let your mouth heal, make grief your friend (it has a purpose) and write through it. Better than Lexapro any day, I should imagine. Kindest regards.