I think you have picked a singularly bad day to be tackling ANY one of the issues you cite here - right after dental surgery?? Good grief, woman - please be kinder to yourself at once! I do completely understand the urgency to "figure things out" - but truly, there will be time once you are able to enjoy solid food again. What I sometimes do, is make an old-school list of things that I need to consider, act on or decide about. Even creative stuff. Also? The value of a great haircut cannot be overstated! Just do it. xo P.S. Loved this piece, so honest! And those Boston Coolers sound amazing!
To be honest, I started this blog the day before my dental surgery, so I was carrying those thoughts around until yesterday, after I got back.
You're right that it's a lot to carry around, but I'm learning it does ease things up a bit if I write about them. I used to write a lot of this in my journal, but since I started my Substack newsletters I'm feeling more comfortable with writing about my inner self. (I hope I don't get carried away with it! There's only so much whining even your best friends want to hear!)
Yes, Boston Coolers are wonderful, but not with just any ginger ale. They'll only work with Detroit's own Vernors. (They're called Boston Coolers after a neighborhood in Detroit, and not the city in Massachusetts, by the way.)
Holy crap, Ramona! You just described my last three years -- I mean 'literally' my last three years. I have no inspiring pearls of wisdom only to follow your instinct on the antidepressants -- I wish I had (grief hurts, it distracts and it's unpredictable. It's also the byproduct of having loved and been loved. I'm so sorry for your pain). On the bright side, Novocaine wears off and once you're all healed up, you'll feel brilliant.
You will write again. You will write beautifully. It's what you do. I'll be here to read it, like it, and share it when you do. Nameste
So we've been going through the same shit, huh? While I'm always happy to have company, I'm sorry I had to drag you along again. You certainly don't deserve all of that angst!
Thank you for your support. It means the world to me--as always.
You are an amazing writer, a deep and capable thinker, a clear and emotionally present woman, balanced and hopeful human. Congrats on finally getting around to fixing your mouth. I have had lots of dental work and its no fun. Can't emphasize that enough. You described the emotional state of where you're at to a T. Beautifully done. I have a sneaking suspicion you could do just about anything you put your mind to... not today, probably not this week, but soon. Sending you healing vibes and patience. Sending you self-love because without, you can't fathom how fantastic you are, always have been, always will be.
Wow, what a pick-me-up! I'm humbled by this, honestly. What it tells me about you is that you are sweet and kind and I'm jealous of your best friends, who get to hang with you all the time.
This isn't my first go at dental work, only the latest. I've always had poor teeth and have had a lifetime of dental work, some better than others. The bad work is falling apart now, so the remedies are drastic--an entire mouth redo. It'll take weeks, if not months, but I'm hoping for a dazzling smile at last, and at my age!
I wish I had your optimism about my ability to do anything. I can't, of course, and maybe the best thing I've done for myself lately is to accept that where I am now in my writing 'career' is where I need to be. No more, no less. I like what I'm doing here and at Constant Commoner, and maybe that's all I have the energy for now.
Grief weaves its way into everything. Depression, its trusty sidekick, is often close at hand. Right now - justifiably - it sounds like that's the loudest voice in your head. Add disappointment, physical pain, a recent move, limited face-to-face contact and whatever else life tosses into the ring, and you are adrift in a wave of uncertainty. You're using your creative energy just getting through the days. Lexapro may or may not be part of the journey, but it is a tool in the toolbox. Trusting the process sucks sometimes, but I think it's still the best advice. You will come out the other side of this darkness. In the meantime, is it so terrible to allow the current "you" to guide what appears on the page, even if it's just a series of questions, or a stream-of-consciousness accounting of what you are experiencing? I, for one, respect and appreciate the vulnerability and raw emotions.
Thank you, Elizabeth. I admit 'raw emotions' are hard for me to express publicly, but I'm hearing from some of you that it's helping in your own processing. I hadn't expected that, but I see it now as being a part of this community. I advocate honesty and a willingness to participate, after all, so it figures that I should take the lead.
I have now, and it helps me to process my own angst and fears and joys, in ways I never could by journaling. Writing in my journal is momentary musing. Writing it out in a blog takes some thought. How do I really feel, and is it worth writing about? Sometimes It's not, and I hope I always know the difference. Thanks again.
I had issues with an overflow of bleh ideas and I decided to not grab any, to just sit and watch. Watch the flow of ideas and not get wet until there is one really worth diving for it, because I hate to be wet and it must really be worth it for me to do so.
The problem with me writing this is I am no writer. I am juste wannabe writer, wannabe politics student, wannabe music gear builder. Excellent at nothing, easily bored. As you can see, not very cheerful either. My 100+ African violets used to heal me. Now I trashed many, and the 60+ left don’t really help me anymore.
Emilie, don't sell yourself short. Wannabe writers turn into writers all the time. All it takes is a true want and need. If you're here, you're a writer. You found me, and I want to help you--not by teaching you how to write, but by encouraging you to give it a go.
If words fascinate you and you get joy out of putting them together, you're a writer.
So stick around. Don't feel like an outsider. And check out the archives while you're here. You might find just what you're looking for to get you out of the doldrums! (One of my favorite words.)
Hi Ramona. As I write this, hopefully you are blissfully sleeping, feelings of novocaine just a memory, dental work done for the forseeable future.
You will keep writing, because that is what you do. You will write with humor, sarcasm, wit and wonder because that is what you do. I have enjoyed it. Your writing. Your personal journey. Your candor. You are an amazing woman.
Writer Everlasting is for writers. All writers. I hope I have read your intention correctly. If it's only for a particular political view, please tell me and I will leave. (I read all your bullet points and followed through to Twitter) No hard feelings. I simply thought this platform was for everyone.
Thank you, Heather, I appreciate your kind words. I'm bothered, though, if you're feeling out of place here because of my political leanings. That's the last thing I want at Writer Everlasting!
I've stressed over and over again that this is a safe place where everyone is welcome. We're not always going to agree on everything, but we're here for each other in so many ways.
I urge you to read my ABOUT page, if you haven't already. I want you to always feel welcome, but I need to be honest about where my life takes me. Most of my writing life was as a liberal opinion writer, though I've branched out into everything from essays to fiction to poetry. And I talk about all of it here on these pages, hoping to start conversations that will satisfy everyone.
Feel free to always express your own opinions here, especially when you're feeling uncomfortable. I'm really glad you did this time.
They say that you need to say it until you don't. This is what you have to say right now - so give yourself permission (seems to me, someone named Ramona just gave me those words of wisdom). The catalyst for my writing was and is Dan's death and the dementia years before. Those events changed forever who I am and affected me in every aspect of my life.
Just curious - do you know of the mind-body connection? I wonder if the teeth, the cancer scare, etc. is your body's way of expressing the tremendous pain your heart is feeling. My coach friend mentioned that to me the other day regarding new aches and pains.
LOL. Giving me a dose of my own advice, huh? Well played!
I do believe in a mind-body connection, which is why I work so hard to stay positive, grounded, and given to moments of quiet when things are working to get the best of me.
Part of the reason my teeth gave out on me, besides the fact that they're aging along with me, is that I'm taking hormone blockers to ward off any recurring cancer, and they're hell on teeth. When I'm finished, I'll only have a few remaining anchor teeth of my own and rest will be fake. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to that!
I used to write on Medium a lot more and I felt like writing anything meaningful didn’t earn anything and if I wanted to make money I had to hustle more than I had time for or compromise my artistic integrity or both. I write my free Substack which I love doing and I like connecting with authors but lbh I wouldn’t have started it if I didn’t need people to buy my books. And I just have worked for free for so long with no guarantee that people will eventually value my work as much as I do.
-anti-depressants tend to lay any attempt at creativity flat, along with most feelings about anything
For a very brief period a doctor prescribed antidepressants for me. One night I was working at a restaurant and not paying close attention and overfilled a coffee cup to the point that it was splashing all over my hand. I had no clue.
Also, just. Hugs. You’re going through a lot of changes and I hope you’re not too hard on yourself. You’re an inspiration and a motivation and you have important things to say.
I think you should forgive yourself for not writing whilst in the midst of dental warfare, but for the rest, does it matter if you don't sell? Or if the follower numbers decline, stay static or whatever?
I've been writing for Substack for 12 months in February and I 've increased my following from one or two to a few more than that (surprised me really!) and its free, but I don't care about numbers because it's the discipline of writing and actually turning up weekly to write that matters.
Worrying about numbers must surely just eviscerate you. If you must please a mainstream publisher, that's slightly different, but if you're indie, just write for the joy.
Mostly, Ramona, I write because it makes me content - nothing else matters. Angst has no place in the process - if it does, and I tie myself in knots about the money, the readers, the followers, etc, then the muse will up and off and writing will shrivel and die.
Let your mouth heal, make grief your friend (it has a purpose) and write through it. Better than Lexapro any day, I should imagine. Kindest regards.
No, I’m not fretting over numbers at all. Sorry If I gave you that impression. I just thought that whole Twitter experience was bizarre.
I do believe professional writers should be paid, but the reality is that it’s getting harder and harder to accomplish. This piece is mainly about the obstacles in my search for creativity. As a writer, that’s most important, but I try to look on the light side, even when I’m seeking.
It's your right to express yourself any way you like and I love your Substack for that. And I agree, we all deserve to be paid. I HATE this thing where indie writers are expected/encouraged to give the first book in a series away for free. The trouble is now that there's a whole world of Kindle readers who expect that. It galls me to think that all my sweat is for free.
And such a comment kind of nullifies everything I said above, doesn't it? But the truth is that I write for free on Substack because it disciplines me. I had become completely 'laissez faire' and was losing my writing edge. This whipped me into shape. I doubt I would have begun the new novel without Substack. One fed the other.
I know what you mean, Prue, and I'm so glad it's working for you. I love Substack for many reasons, many of which I can't even articulate. It's just a feeling...
I think Cedric has all the answers. Whether he shares or not is for another day 💖
LOL. You may be right! I should have asked him first.
I think you have picked a singularly bad day to be tackling ANY one of the issues you cite here - right after dental surgery?? Good grief, woman - please be kinder to yourself at once! I do completely understand the urgency to "figure things out" - but truly, there will be time once you are able to enjoy solid food again. What I sometimes do, is make an old-school list of things that I need to consider, act on or decide about. Even creative stuff. Also? The value of a great haircut cannot be overstated! Just do it. xo P.S. Loved this piece, so honest! And those Boston Coolers sound amazing!
To be honest, I started this blog the day before my dental surgery, so I was carrying those thoughts around until yesterday, after I got back.
You're right that it's a lot to carry around, but I'm learning it does ease things up a bit if I write about them. I used to write a lot of this in my journal, but since I started my Substack newsletters I'm feeling more comfortable with writing about my inner self. (I hope I don't get carried away with it! There's only so much whining even your best friends want to hear!)
Yes, Boston Coolers are wonderful, but not with just any ginger ale. They'll only work with Detroit's own Vernors. (They're called Boston Coolers after a neighborhood in Detroit, and not the city in Massachusetts, by the way.)
Holy crap, Ramona! You just described my last three years -- I mean 'literally' my last three years. I have no inspiring pearls of wisdom only to follow your instinct on the antidepressants -- I wish I had (grief hurts, it distracts and it's unpredictable. It's also the byproduct of having loved and been loved. I'm so sorry for your pain). On the bright side, Novocaine wears off and once you're all healed up, you'll feel brilliant.
You will write again. You will write beautifully. It's what you do. I'll be here to read it, like it, and share it when you do. Nameste
So we've been going through the same shit, huh? While I'm always happy to have company, I'm sorry I had to drag you along again. You certainly don't deserve all of that angst!
Thank you for your support. It means the world to me--as always.
<3
You are an amazing writer, a deep and capable thinker, a clear and emotionally present woman, balanced and hopeful human. Congrats on finally getting around to fixing your mouth. I have had lots of dental work and its no fun. Can't emphasize that enough. You described the emotional state of where you're at to a T. Beautifully done. I have a sneaking suspicion you could do just about anything you put your mind to... not today, probably not this week, but soon. Sending you healing vibes and patience. Sending you self-love because without, you can't fathom how fantastic you are, always have been, always will be.
Wow, what a pick-me-up! I'm humbled by this, honestly. What it tells me about you is that you are sweet and kind and I'm jealous of your best friends, who get to hang with you all the time.
This isn't my first go at dental work, only the latest. I've always had poor teeth and have had a lifetime of dental work, some better than others. The bad work is falling apart now, so the remedies are drastic--an entire mouth redo. It'll take weeks, if not months, but I'm hoping for a dazzling smile at last, and at my age!
I wish I had your optimism about my ability to do anything. I can't, of course, and maybe the best thing I've done for myself lately is to accept that where I am now in my writing 'career' is where I need to be. No more, no less. I like what I'm doing here and at Constant Commoner, and maybe that's all I have the energy for now.
Dental woes are awful. Hope you're feeling better soon, Ramona. Always enjoy your posts.
Yes, I hate going to the dentist, and I hate even more having to pay the Queen's Ransom for it, but the end result should be worth it. I hope.
Thanks for your encouragement!
Grief weaves its way into everything. Depression, its trusty sidekick, is often close at hand. Right now - justifiably - it sounds like that's the loudest voice in your head. Add disappointment, physical pain, a recent move, limited face-to-face contact and whatever else life tosses into the ring, and you are adrift in a wave of uncertainty. You're using your creative energy just getting through the days. Lexapro may or may not be part of the journey, but it is a tool in the toolbox. Trusting the process sucks sometimes, but I think it's still the best advice. You will come out the other side of this darkness. In the meantime, is it so terrible to allow the current "you" to guide what appears on the page, even if it's just a series of questions, or a stream-of-consciousness accounting of what you are experiencing? I, for one, respect and appreciate the vulnerability and raw emotions.
Thank you, Elizabeth. I admit 'raw emotions' are hard for me to express publicly, but I'm hearing from some of you that it's helping in your own processing. I hadn't expected that, but I see it now as being a part of this community. I advocate honesty and a willingness to participate, after all, so it figures that I should take the lead.
I have now, and it helps me to process my own angst and fears and joys, in ways I never could by journaling. Writing in my journal is momentary musing. Writing it out in a blog takes some thought. How do I really feel, and is it worth writing about? Sometimes It's not, and I hope I always know the difference. Thanks again.
Due to my own story, I don’t recommend the meds.
I had issues with an overflow of bleh ideas and I decided to not grab any, to just sit and watch. Watch the flow of ideas and not get wet until there is one really worth diving for it, because I hate to be wet and it must really be worth it for me to do so.
The problem with me writing this is I am no writer. I am juste wannabe writer, wannabe politics student, wannabe music gear builder. Excellent at nothing, easily bored. As you can see, not very cheerful either. My 100+ African violets used to heal me. Now I trashed many, and the 60+ left don’t really help me anymore.
Hey sister, hold on. Please.
Emilie, don't sell yourself short. Wannabe writers turn into writers all the time. All it takes is a true want and need. If you're here, you're a writer. You found me, and I want to help you--not by teaching you how to write, but by encouraging you to give it a go.
If words fascinate you and you get joy out of putting them together, you're a writer.
So stick around. Don't feel like an outsider. And check out the archives while you're here. You might find just what you're looking for to get you out of the doldrums! (One of my favorite words.)
Hi Ramona. As I write this, hopefully you are blissfully sleeping, feelings of novocaine just a memory, dental work done for the forseeable future.
You will keep writing, because that is what you do. You will write with humor, sarcasm, wit and wonder because that is what you do. I have enjoyed it. Your writing. Your personal journey. Your candor. You are an amazing woman.
Writer Everlasting is for writers. All writers. I hope I have read your intention correctly. If it's only for a particular political view, please tell me and I will leave. (I read all your bullet points and followed through to Twitter) No hard feelings. I simply thought this platform was for everyone.
Thank you, Heather, I appreciate your kind words. I'm bothered, though, if you're feeling out of place here because of my political leanings. That's the last thing I want at Writer Everlasting!
I've stressed over and over again that this is a safe place where everyone is welcome. We're not always going to agree on everything, but we're here for each other in so many ways.
I urge you to read my ABOUT page, if you haven't already. I want you to always feel welcome, but I need to be honest about where my life takes me. Most of my writing life was as a liberal opinion writer, though I've branched out into everything from essays to fiction to poetry. And I talk about all of it here on these pages, hoping to start conversations that will satisfy everyone.
Feel free to always express your own opinions here, especially when you're feeling uncomfortable. I'm really glad you did this time.
They say that you need to say it until you don't. This is what you have to say right now - so give yourself permission (seems to me, someone named Ramona just gave me those words of wisdom). The catalyst for my writing was and is Dan's death and the dementia years before. Those events changed forever who I am and affected me in every aspect of my life.
Just curious - do you know of the mind-body connection? I wonder if the teeth, the cancer scare, etc. is your body's way of expressing the tremendous pain your heart is feeling. My coach friend mentioned that to me the other day regarding new aches and pains.
LOL. Giving me a dose of my own advice, huh? Well played!
I do believe in a mind-body connection, which is why I work so hard to stay positive, grounded, and given to moments of quiet when things are working to get the best of me.
Part of the reason my teeth gave out on me, besides the fact that they're aging along with me, is that I'm taking hormone blockers to ward off any recurring cancer, and they're hell on teeth. When I'm finished, I'll only have a few remaining anchor teeth of my own and rest will be fake. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to that!
Relating to:
-I’m tired of always donating my work.
I used to write on Medium a lot more and I felt like writing anything meaningful didn’t earn anything and if I wanted to make money I had to hustle more than I had time for or compromise my artistic integrity or both. I write my free Substack which I love doing and I like connecting with authors but lbh I wouldn’t have started it if I didn’t need people to buy my books. And I just have worked for free for so long with no guarantee that people will eventually value my work as much as I do.
-anti-depressants tend to lay any attempt at creativity flat, along with most feelings about anything
For a very brief period a doctor prescribed antidepressants for me. One night I was working at a restaurant and not paying close attention and overfilled a coffee cup to the point that it was splashing all over my hand. I had no clue.
Also, just. Hugs. You’re going through a lot of changes and I hope you’re not too hard on yourself. You’re an inspiration and a motivation and you have important things to say.
I think you should forgive yourself for not writing whilst in the midst of dental warfare, but for the rest, does it matter if you don't sell? Or if the follower numbers decline, stay static or whatever?
I've been writing for Substack for 12 months in February and I 've increased my following from one or two to a few more than that (surprised me really!) and its free, but I don't care about numbers because it's the discipline of writing and actually turning up weekly to write that matters.
Worrying about numbers must surely just eviscerate you. If you must please a mainstream publisher, that's slightly different, but if you're indie, just write for the joy.
Mostly, Ramona, I write because it makes me content - nothing else matters. Angst has no place in the process - if it does, and I tie myself in knots about the money, the readers, the followers, etc, then the muse will up and off and writing will shrivel and die.
Let your mouth heal, make grief your friend (it has a purpose) and write through it. Better than Lexapro any day, I should imagine. Kindest regards.
No, I’m not fretting over numbers at all. Sorry If I gave you that impression. I just thought that whole Twitter experience was bizarre.
I do believe professional writers should be paid, but the reality is that it’s getting harder and harder to accomplish. This piece is mainly about the obstacles in my search for creativity. As a writer, that’s most important, but I try to look on the light side, even when I’m seeking.
I didn’t mean to make this so dark!
It's your right to express yourself any way you like and I love your Substack for that. And I agree, we all deserve to be paid. I HATE this thing where indie writers are expected/encouraged to give the first book in a series away for free. The trouble is now that there's a whole world of Kindle readers who expect that. It galls me to think that all my sweat is for free.
And such a comment kind of nullifies everything I said above, doesn't it? But the truth is that I write for free on Substack because it disciplines me. I had become completely 'laissez faire' and was losing my writing edge. This whipped me into shape. I doubt I would have begun the new novel without Substack. One fed the other.
I know what you mean, Prue, and I'm so glad it's working for you. I love Substack for many reasons, many of which I can't even articulate. It's just a feeling...
You know?